20 years to life…

Some say there’s something magical about a birthday, that a birthday encompassed everything hopeful, fun, and happy about one’s life. I don’t think I share this enthusiasm for birthdays. In fact, I think the last time I truly enjoyed my birthday is when I was 10. That was probably the last time I could appreciate the simplicity of a birthday.

I turn 20 today and to me, that’s something incredibly significant. More so than many of my birthdays before and probably more so than the ones to come. I officially leave behind my teen years. I’m sure for some, this seems like a tragic event but not for me. I’m far more sad about adding another year than the event of turning 20 itself. I never really did enjoy my teen years anyway. It was awkward and uncomfortable, stressful and depressing. I spent more time prepping to be an adult and ensuring that I grew up properly to truly enjoy the process. And now it’s gone, disappeared forever. I think I stopped wanting to grow up a few years back, life’s reponsibilities sank in really deep and I was too worried I would no longer succeed. I suppose I can’t avoid it now.

In so many ways, I don’t think I’ve ever grown up. I’m still dealing with a lot of the same issues I did when I was a child, a pre-teen and then a teen. Nothing ever changed except my to-do-list grew longer and my bills increased. I’m still afraid of the same things, still worried that I’m not everything I could be.

My birthday no longer seems special, in my eyes and in the eyes of others. It lost its lustre and its demand to be announced worldwide. It’s already noon and my parents have yet to wish me happy birthday. That’s how sad it’s really gotten and I have the feeling that if I don’t go on Skype, they’ll forget entirely. Things like that put a damper on one’s birthday.

I stopped celebrating after18. Now I just sit at home and wait for the next day to come, like every other day of my life. To be honest, I would have forgotten that my birthday was coming up if it hadn’t been for a friend of mine who asked me what I had planned. It seems a shame that life gets so busy sometimes, that you end up forgetting to commemorate the time passing.

I don’t mean to sound so depressing on my birthday. I’m not as completely bummed out as it appears. I’ve always believed that your 20s were the most  fabulous time in life. You’ve got money to spend, freedom from parents, enough life experience to avoid getting killed or lost, your body is developed and there are no more surprises in that department…overall, you’ve finally gotten control of your life. Here’s hoping that my life continues down the path that best suits me. I don’t want to stress about the future. I just want to live and be happy.

Another year gone and past…what will next year bring.



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